if youre not dead by 90, i'll give you a cigarette.

Hi. yeah im blogging, lets get over it together, shall we?

Today i felt like i have to document a moment in someones life that kind of freaked me out a bit. and if I get freaked out im dragging you all down with me, so here goes.

Being a designer, I work at a retirement home cleaning apartments. This job kind of has a doctor-patient confidentiality thing going on (yes I am actually trying to sound important, play along) So I'm going to call my following subject patient X (and pretend i'm Scully). When i arrived at patient X's apartment, she opened the door and rushed back down the hall yelling that she has to go change her sons diaper. Now see, I've met X before, been to her crib, thrown back a few shots (of coffee) with her so i knew all her screws weren't screwed on tight. Ive also met her 60 year old son so naturally I just told her to wash her hands after and broke out the vacuum cleaner.
Soon she would come out of the kitchen, make me get out of the way and say, let me pass quickly, I just want to see if I have a cigarette in there. Go granny I thought, and moved out of her way. And so it began. She would look and look and finally she would come to the conclusion that she was probably out of cigarettes but as soon as her ass hit the chair again, she would get up, excuse herself for bothering me, make her way passed the vacuum cleaner and mumble, im just gonna see if i have any cigarettes hidden away anywhere. For another five-ten minutes id hear all the cabinets in the house opening and closing followed by the toilette seat and the microwave being checked until finally she'd come to me and say "looks like i smoked them all!" Little did she know she'd be up and running around again in about 30 seconds. Five times later, I finally put a cigarette for her in the fridge and low and behold, she spent the rest of the time on the balcony out of my way. In retrospect i guess I overlooked the fact that by having her find something as random as a cigarette in the refrigerator, I must have upped her crazy a little...

But hey, you learn something new every day.



/ ya

I witnessed a murder today.

I was riding home today on the bus, listening to music and not paying attention to anything. As we were stopping at one of the bus stops, a girl in the back started screaming. I looked back and saw her pointing out the window and I followed her stare. Out in a unfenced yard were three guys, two of them standing, one of them was on the ground, bloody. The taller of the two men had a large stick and was about ready to smash it into the downed man’s head again, when the men realized a whole busload was looking at them. As the bus driver called the police, the other man who hadn’t been doing anything took a gun out of his pocket and shot the guy in the head. at this point the whole bus was in shock and glued to the morbid scene, the two men got into a car and sped off. when i came home i was visibly shaken, I told my mom what i had just seen. She got scared and said: “You’re moving with your auntie and uncle to Bel-Air”. I whistled for a cab and when it came near, the license plate said “FRESH” and it had dice in the mirror, If anything I could say that this cab was rare, but I thought “Nah, forget it, Yo homes, to Bel-Air!” I pulled up to the house about 7:00 or 8:00 and i yelled to the cabby, “Yo homes, smell ya later!” looked at my kingdom, I was finally there, to sit on my throne as the price of Bel-Air.

//Yasnaeatsuckafish!